In my building, there are two kinds of people that everyone has come to hate. The first are the folks who take the elevator either one floor up or one floor done; but especially those that take it one floor down. I work on the 7th floor, and give evil looks to anyone who makes me stop on the way down, just because they were too lazy to walk down a single flight of stairs.

The other is the guy on the bus who, when he sits down, immediately falls asleep with his mouth open and starts snoring. Not the low-volume, heavy breathing type snoring, but the full-on buzz-saw-in-a-wood-chipper type snoring. Thankfully, I had never encountered one of these guys, had just heard rumors about them existing on our company shuttle buses. I was lucky in that every time I got on the bus, I would just put my headphones on and fall asleep, and thus enjoyed a relatively disturbance-free ride.

Oddly enough, in recent weeks I noticed strange behavior on the shuttle whenever I got on it. I’d start getting the same types of looks that I gave those aforementioned elevator parasites, and just last week, I saw people get up from their seats and move a few rows back after I had sat down close to them. And then it dawned on me: I was the guy who was doing all the snoring! All this time I had just figured I had the good fortune never to encounter him, but in reality he was with me all the time!

Then, I sheepishly looked around me, saw that all the seats in front of me and next to me had been vacated, and everyone had squeezed themselves to the back. I then proceeded to prop my feet up, fold my arms behind my head, and turn up my iPod.

I love being famous.