Last night, after about 10 glasses of wine, I got home, put on my nightgown, and then read on my Iphone that Manny Ramirez was going to be suspended for 50 games for a positive drug test.

Manny is the most high profile player on my favorite baseball team that currently has the best record in all of major league baseball. In a sport riddled with cheaters and dopers and general assholes, the well from which I drink has now officially been poisoned.

What an awful, disappointing, story. If I were ten years old I would be crying right now. Fuck it, I’m going to start crying. See you guys later.