The problem with trying to discipline yourself to a strict regimen of healthy living is, well, that it’s so fucking hard to do! After two weeks of this “program,” in which I steadfastly refuse to go out drinking late during a weeknight and go to the gym every other day, I can already feel the choking fingers of boredom wrapped around my neck. This naturally leads me to approach the weekend with my tongue hanging down towards my knees in gleeful anticipation, and this past weekend was a textbook example of the ejaculative ecstasy with which I savor the moment of joy that I used to taste on my lips every night.

Friday was a return to form for me, as I set up table at Mint for the few of us to put our feet up. After a bottle of Chivas and half a bottle of Skyy, we had all the nudging we needed as headed to Cash Box. As the weak and weary slowly slipped out of the room to head home around the three o’clock time frame, someone (I believe it was me) had the brilliant idea of returning my home to continue the binge. The rest of the evening/morning was decidedly blurry, with vague recollections of riding out into the brisk air on Julie to get green tea mixed with the image of Karen, visiting from Beijing, going mano-a-mano with Coco in a whiskey-pounding contest.

Below is a fantastic snapshot of how we all were that night. This picture tells quite a story; let me walk y’all through it. You can see Coco trying to pour Clint a drink, and looking at him suspiciously as he furiously tries to wave her off. Pearl is on your bottom right, repeating the phrase “this girl is crazy” to all of us as Coco had been keeping our glasses full throughout this midnight snack. Meanwhile, Eddy realizes that three quarters of a glass of whiskey and a few drops of green tea don’t taste too good.


The sight of Coco with a bottle of liquor is one of impending doom for all of us at 5 am in the morning

The funny thing about our weekends is that, even though they’re ritualistic in almost every sense (Guandii -> Cash Box -> Sunlight -> Guandii, etc etc), there’s still a sense of excitement as the hour nears. Dinner on Saturdays always includes someone who has the gumption to say out loud: “OK, I’ll go to Guandii, but I won’t drink that much.” This phrase is inevitably followed by a 3 second pause, and then a 10 minute burst of intense laughter from all of us. There is no such thing as a quiet evening at Guandii.

And of course, there is no such thing as Guandii without a trip out to Cash Box after all the dancing has subsided. Students of this blog now know what that means: Carlsberg Mini-Keg! The little green keg is an essential staple of any drunken singing at the karaoke palace, and after seeing it make multiple appearances in our room the night before, it was a familiar but welcome vision as I walked into the room to meet up with everyone who had a head start.


First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes drunken bike-riding

At around three o’clock, I started getting text messages from Hao Xue, who had recently taken up an English course and was trying to finish her homework. After answering a few of her questions, she came up with this brainstopper: Can you please make a sentence with the word “ourselves” in it?

I looked at Clint, because at that point my brain was totally fried. “Clint, help me out here, my friend needs help with her English homework. Can you help make up sentence that includes the word ‘ourseves’?”

Clint, who had been romancing the mini-keg for a while, paused and stared up at the ceiling. After a minute of brow-furrowing, he came back with this: “There’s no such word as ‘ourselves.’”

I stopped to think. Did Hao Xue make a mistake? It sure did sound like a weird word that shouldn’t exist. I decided that Clint must be right, that my mind was totally off. How could I ever aspire to be a good blogger and not even know that? “You’re right, thanks Clint.”

Good thing we didn’t make a fool of ourselves and use a totally non-existent word. But as you can see from this picture, we sure did have ourselves a good time. Next time, we need to learn how to not drink so fast and take care of ourselves a little more. This way, we’ll remember that “ourselves” isn’t really a word at all.


Just FYI, it’s Clint with the sloppy seconds. She was mine first